Today is Different
by Rizzy.and.Izzy
Summary: "How do you tell someone that their love brings you back to yourself?" Jane's POV. Her morning starts out one way, but ends quite another. One-shot. Slight M.


_supremelyamazingpenguin!_

_In this story, Jane and Maura have been together almost a year._

* * *

Today is different. She catches the alarm a second before it goes off. You will not be waking up that way today. She's got plans for you that involve nothing too jarring, nothing too loud. Nothing to remind you of the outside world. Today is just for you and for her. As she whispers in your ear to tell you to wake up, she shows you too. All soft and smooth and slow motion. Her lips gradually making the trip from your ear to your mouth. You already have the makings of a smile on your face. She kisses the side of your cheek, the corner of your lips, right where your dimple is. She could map out in detail, and probably in less than a minute, the exact places on your body that are defenseless against her touch. You know where most of them are, the place where she just kissed being one. Of course the obvious places she wasn't the first to find out. The spot behind your ear, the side of your neck, down the middle of your back. These all could have been found by other people, were they curious enough. And maybe some did find them, but that hardly matters now. Because wherever she touches you, it's like the first time. Even though she's always doing it. Like now. She notices you haven't moved much since whispering to you and she wonders if you've fallen back to sleep again. She kisses you again in that same spot inbetween your mouth and cheek, your defenseless dimple. You melt. You not only aren't sleeping, you aren't breathing. There, see, just like the first time.

...

"Jane?" She says it like she's wondering if you've gone back to sleep. She says it, soft, like if you had she doesn't want to wake you. Today may be for you and her alone, but she wants to be sure it's more for you. You always need it more. And after that case last week you need it even more. You realize you still haven't moved. Haven't said anything. You amend this quickly. Eyes open, you put your hands on her arms and squeeze. You are rewarded with the most beautiful gasp you've ever heard in your life. Followed by her lips making the cutest "O" shape. Boy, she really did think you went back to sleep. You are more than ready to show her you're awake now, though.

"Come here." You gesture for her to come back to bed. You're lying so close to the edge of the bed, your side of the bed. You know the only way for her to join you is to climb over your legs. As she tries, you interrupt her half way. You take hold of her arms again and turn her to you. Right above you, all over you. This is where you've wanted her all along. All this morning anyway. No, no. All your life. Yes. Her legs have stilled around your hips and she waits, as if you're going to say something. You can't even tell if you're saying this out loud.  
"Stay." She listens, so maybe you did say it.

She stops holding herself away from you, keeping herself above you and finally lets herself lean into you. Lets herself fall into you, give in to you. Be supported by you. She denies you no part of herself any longer. It's every single thing you want to feel. Her weight. Her body. Her trust. It's a sweet pressure. It's every part about her that you love. Her freckles, they are there to remind you that even if you kiss each one of them, you can still never kiss them enough. The way her neck will flush red, you haven't given her truly all of you if the rest of her skin doesn't match that hue. The way her top lip purses out the slightest bit, making her pout the thing that breaks your heart. Even more so when she's not doing it to be cute. Only when you've kissed her so long that both lips match, both lips are swollen, both lips puff out the same amount, only then do you know you've kissed her enough. But still you don't stop. Could never stop. Love doesn't lessen, and it certainly can't hold back. So you kiss her until it physically hurts too much. When you finally stop, it mentally hurts too much.

Now she's waiting again. You and your inner dialogues. All this time you've just been holding her hands. Your fingers have slipped down from her upper arms and are clutching at her hands. And she's looking at you. You get like this sometimes, though. She knows it. So she's tried to stop acting like it's a big deal. But it still is. Because she doesn't know what you think about at these times, when you're together like this. She can't wrap her big brain around it. Sure, it'll happen again, but not as strongly, not as long. Not as deep. Not when you're out in public. You'll catch a glimpse of her at work and you can't look back for fear of your heart not beating. But intimately, together, alone, there's no reason to look away. Eyes fixed and locked on each other. Watching you, she desperately hopes one day you can tell her what you're thinking when you simultaneously go so far away, but yet look deeper into her than anyone ever has. But how do you tell someone about that? Something you don't even know, can't even control. How do you tell someone that their love brings you back to yourself? And you're blankly staring again, even as you've been trying to get yourself to stop. You really must do something about that. Or at least try and tell her. Come on, she's gone google-mouth on you enough to where she owes you one embarrassing verbal moment without reprimand. Just start the words and surely somewhere along the line some sense will come out if it. Or she'll be able to make some sense out of it with her vast knowledge. Or she won't, but at least you'll both be satisfied knowing that you tried it once.

So as you regain yourself, and bring yourself back, you let her stay on top of you, knowing she likes that. It's not about dominance or dominating, a 'top' or 'bottom' thing. You don't even really get into that too much. It's about the fact that you feel so much love for her, so much trust for her, you don't fear being in uncomfortable positions with her. With her on top, it's not uncomfortable, it's just not common. But the look in her eyes right now, the way that she's leaning into you, so warm and soft against you. You want it to be common, want it to be something you do a whole lot more often. You want her around you and on you and so familiar with every inch of you that she could map that out too. In mere seconds.

You rarely ever sleep in any clothes during the summer. And although it's technically still the spring, it's warm enough to where that would apply. So she decides to take the lead while you are still looking at her. Switching positions, she's now holding your hands in hers. She gives them a little squeeze and then releases them. "Jane."

It's all she needs to say. Her voice, her touch, has always brought you back to her. Will always bring you back to her. Whether in bed or trapped by some madman, her voice will always be that which gets you out, pulls you back and right there with her. She moves to lay her hands lightly on your stomach. Fingers spread out, palms flat. She presses herself easily into you, wants you to feel her as well as see her, leans herself closer to you. She sees you come back to her.  
"Hi."  
"Hey."  
What more need be said really?

She kisses you, more for herself this time than for you. She needs to know you are truly there. She takes her hands and moves them up to your breasts. During the first few months of your relationship, and in relatively the same position as now, you confided in her that you thought your breasts were too small, too different, not as wonderful as hers. She looked at you, barely moved her head as she gave you a smile that could shadow the moon and said, "Differences don't make a person lesser than another, they make them better together." Ever since your confession she has made it a point to show as much attention to your breasts as possible. From seeing how much she loves them, how much pleasure she gets from them, she has helped you to change the way you think about yourself. Feel better about yourself. Under her touch, she makes you feel beautiful. She holds them, caresses them, just feels them. She lets her hands rest upon your breasts just like the other parts of her body rested upon you only moments earlier. You can feel her hands. Her warmth, her pulse and you know she can feel your pulse too. Ever the Doctor. You can see her face soften just a bit as she goes through a sort of mental checklist. You are calm. Your heart beat is slowing down. Your body temperature never changed. With each measured breath you take, the more she herself seems to settle down.

It's undeniable. It's damn near inaudible. Today is different. You both register this. Today is for you and her alone. This blazingly loud, yet painfully silent moment you are in right now. It's too important even for sex. She moves her hands from your breasts, down to your sides, almost meeting your hips. She stretches her legs alongside yours and lays herself down onto your body. Huddles, cuddles, snuggles into you. She lets your warmth absorb into her.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too." What more need be said really?

Luckily its still spring, and not quite yet summer. The heat radiating between the two of you is inviting but not overwhelming. It's like a lullaby accentuated by breathing. You end up matching breaths, as you always tend to do. It's calming and easy and will happen without you trying anyway. Her head is on your chest and she can feel your warmth. She struggles to hear your heartbeat beyond the pounding in her ears, beyond the billions of thoughts swirling around in her mind right now. Tries to hear it for a completely different reason than earlier. Not to steady herself, not to steady you.

For if a person loves another so much surely you would be able to match heartbeats too, as easily as you can match breaths. As easily as you can match cycles. If you can match up like that, why not in other ways too. For if a person is so much a part of another, wouldn't your heartbeats match up automatically like that? They never do, but you imagine if they ever did the whole world would suddenly make sense. Like maybe if your hearts could talk to each other in the same rhythm, your minds could sync up too. Then she'd know all the places you go to. What you're thinking when no words will come out. And you'd know where she goes, when she has too many words to say that the right ones never end up coming out. But just like the mind, so too goes the heart.

No matter how much you love a person, no matter how much you try to become like them, simply be that other person, there will always be little quirks, little parts, little reminders that you couldn't be more different from them. That you've never been more different than them. But you somehow find a way to be okay with this. Because it's in your differences that you find your love for them. "Differences don't make a person lesser than another, they make them better together." You knew she was simplifying it for you, but it was one of the sweetest things she'd ever said. And you know at that moment, that when you're on your death bed you will think of two things. Maura. And what Maura said. But you don't need to wait until then to do that. Every day of your life you think about Maura. And what Maura says.

So you stay on your back, with her lying on top of you. Legs together, hips together, arms hugging tight around her back. Her arms as much around you as is possible in her position. Her head is on your chest and your face is in her hair. Breathing in her scent, her essence, her strawberry shampoo. Everything. This is heaven. This is what you want your heaven to be. It doesn't need to be any more or any less than this, right now, forever.

How did you get in to this position again? Oh, right, you had asked her to come over to you. To do what? You don't remember for some reason. Wait. Now you know what you wanted to do. Now you know. But you can't move. Can't really formulate a thought or do much of anything right now.

You wanted to roll her over, so you're on top of her. Today might be different, might not be the time for sex, and most definitely not the time for fucking, but the bounds are limitless for making love. Looking at her, you wanted to bring your hand down between her legs. You wanted to bring her to orgasm just as much with your fingers as with your eyes. Bring her to it, through it, over it and beyond it. Like it's the first time all over again...

But you don't, you can't. Maybe it's because it's really early in the morning. Maybe it's because you haven't had your coffee yet. Maybe it's because Maura is lying on top of you and when she does this you can't think. And even if you could, you would never entertain any chance of moving. Moving off of her. Having her move off of you. You are now as close to becoming one person as you ever will be, and you will not disturb that. So you continue staying like this. Trying to match your heartbeat with hers, and waiting for the moment when it finally does.


End file.
